Fantasy Football Today - fantasy football rankings, cheatsheets, and information
A Fantasy Football Community!

Create An Account  |  Advertise  |  Contact      

Staff Writer
Email Matt

Matt's Articles

The Weekly Gut Check - Vol. 110
Advice From The Substitute Teacher

Rookie Scouting Portfolio The “Gut Feeling” is often synonymous with a sense of desperation resulting from a lack of preparation. The Gut Check is a huge proponent of studying the numbers, but there’s a point where one can place too much emphasis on the wrong information. This can result in the undervaluing or overlooking a player’s potential. Therefore, The Weekly Gut Check is devoted to examining the frame of reference behind certain number-driven guidelines that fantasy football owners use to make decisions.

Although The Weekly Gut Check doesn’t claim to be psychic, he does believe that he can dispel certain numbers biases and help you make the best choices for your team. We’ll keep a running tally of The Weekly Gut Check’s insights. This way you can gauge his views as something to seriously consider, or at least seriously consider running the opposite way as fast as you can!

My name is Lisa. Matthew Waldman has come down with a case of writer’s block, so I’m filling in this week. I’m a friend of his—although I’m not sure why, because he’s weird. But since Matthew agreed to let me fill in, you should be confident in my advice this week. Although Matthew is really into this fantasy football thing, I only know a few things about fantasy football: things Matthew shared with me (which is surprisingly very little); the fact that it generates a lot of money; and the way the guys in my office between the ages of 23-34 react when I tell them my friend is a fantasy football writer. If they knew that he’s 37 and has less furniture in his house than they do in just one room of their first postgraduate apartment or bachelor pad, they might not call it a dream job anymore.

They also react the same way when they see piles of photos on my desk of me standing at the 50-yard line with the likes of Carson Palmer and Jay Cutler. I get it, but at the same time I don’t. I deal with famous people—it’s a job. They take pictures with me because it’s their job to persuade me to do my job for them. But my staff still freaks out around some of these people.

For instance last night I met Nelly. My co-worker was about to cry when she realized who it was, and I had no clue (He’s on your IPOD, Lisa!). I’ll be surprised if my co-worker speaks with me for the rest of the week without mentioning this every hour (He’s on your IPOD, Lisa!).

My First Nugget of Wisdom: Choose Teams and Players By The Colors They Wear

Teams that wear brown and orange are only a good option for autumn—especially if they have animal prints in their ensemble. There are exceptions I’ll discuss later, but this is generally not a good look past October. That means the Browns and Bengals are about as good as they are going to get. The Cowboys and Patriots are very stylish you should watch them closely.

USC Trojans

You can’t go wrong with USC players. There are certain areas of the country you shouldn’t pick players from, but I’m not going to tell you where because I don’t want negative feedback, I’m already like the substitute teacher, why invite more problems? I told Matthew this was the basis of my strategy for picking players and he told me I better address the Stanford game. So I would like to say I truly believe that Pete Carroll was showing the team that they were fallible because they played crappy the week before at Washington and they were basically playing this bad while they were number one.

They hadn’t lost at home in like 37 games. They simply lost their edge. Booty was on the cover of so many things, and he’s not that good. This was a wake up call. They may not get back into the title hunt, but they will be much better now.

I can guarantee you this: You will have a winning team if you have Reggie Bush from this point forward. So my advice to you: Reggie Bush. Not Matt Leinart, because Matt Leinart has a child out of wedlock while he was in college. He hangs out with Paris Hilton. He has the ego the size of California. Matt Leinart needs to understand he is a football player and not a celebrity.

Carson Palmer - Hot or Not?Carson Palmer is hot, but he plays for the Bengals and the Bengals are a team full of people who should be in jail. Matthew asked me why Palmer was hot because from his point of view, Carson dresses like a slob (one of my points below). He’s always asking why, why, why? Carson Palmer is just hot. Cute. The guy is closer in age to me than Matt Leinart. If I liked Matt that would be a whole Mrs. Robinson scenario—Yick! On the other hand, peering into Carson Palmer’s locker during training camp was the best event of my life—lots of supplements and lots of USC paraphernalia. He’s a good alumnus.

What about LenDale White? Matthew asked. White’s good, but he’s no Reggie Bush. Here’s the problem with Lendale White: He’s good, but he doesn’t market himself well. Look at Michael Vick and the salary he commanded. He was a mediocre quarterback, at best. Where did Vick ever take his team? Did they win playoff games? Did they go to the Super Bowl? There are a lot of other quarterbacks out there. Look for players who know how to market themselves—they are smarter and that means they will play better.

Take Steven Jackson. First of all, he didn’t go to USC—big mistake. Huge. Second, when he did play well, he didn’t do a great job of marketing himself. He’s in one commercial and you can’t even see his face? No wonder he’s slumping.

Tom Brady? He’s with A-list actresses and models, SNL, and credit card commercials—good marketing.

Peyton Manning? SNL and strong commercial choices.

LaDainian Tomlinson? Good dresser and avoided the Madden game.

Reggie Bush had a tough start, but he’s from USC, markets himself well, and dresses as neat as pin. If you don’t stick with him, you’re going against my intiution. I wouldn’t recommend it—women have better intuition then you guys.

Tony Romo, on the other hand, is on an ESPN commercial and you can see his face. Tiger Woods is on ESPN commercials, EA Sports commercials, and American Express Commercials. As you can see, Tony has the right idea. He even got away with a bad game this week and still came out looking good. See, it’s all about the marketing. And if you don’t have good marketing, don’t dress well, or come from USC, then you better have coaches from USC like Norm Chow and Jeff Fisher. Maybe this is why I like Matthew, he may have chosen a team that’s an ultimate fashion victim and a quarterback I don’t want to talk about because of what he did at Texas, but at least the team is coached by two Trojans.

Good Dressers

Look for players who dress well—not players who wear the best bling. A good, well-tailored suit, dress shirt, and tie on game day. Not f#$king sweats. A very good tailored, expensive suit with good shoes. No big chains. Peyton Manning dresses well. Johnnie Morton dresses well, is he still playing? That’s right, Matthew pointed out that my bud Johnnie now spends his time getting knocked out in Mixed Martial Arts events instead of catching footballs—again, I don’t know why I’m doing this for him. He’s not cooperating with promoting my alma mater the way it should be. I’m not sure if he’ll be allowed to watch the next USC game with me, I’m already blaming him for the Stanford loss. Just because we were 41-point favorite it is no reason to tape the stupid LSU-Florida game. Do you really want to see people slapping their hands together trying to imitate a reptile? How stupid…

Go With Your Gut

My advice to all you readers pouring over your stupid charts and stats: Use your intuition and go with your gut. Matthew doesn’t do this enough. For example, he should stop thinking he will beat me in basketball because of the fact that I’m 5-6 and he’s nearly 6 feet and outweighs me by nearly my entire body weight. He’s relying too much on stats. The fact is I trained at the same facility as Kevin Garnett and actually came in second in a free throw contest against him and two other NBA players. Matthew has no chance of winning. He knows this in his gut, but he won’t acknowledge it. I’m going to run him ragged.

If you know in your gut that your team is bad, face it now and make some trades. Preferably for some USC players who dress well before the game, play on a team with a stylish, winter uniform (New England, Indianapolis, Dallas, Philadelphia, and Pittsburgh—you can never have too much black in your wardrobe), and have a good marketing strategy. At least get football players who have three of these four things going for them.

Reggie BushIf you do these four things (and get Reggie Bush), you will win your championship. Winning can be a lot like the feeling you get from good sex. I told Matthew that he should write a comparison between sex and fantasy football. All Matthew had to say was unlike a single orgasm, winning one championship is something you can celebrate for at least 6 months and most likely the entire year. It sounds like he knows of what he speaks, because if any of you guys out there are telling your woman how well you performed for them 6 months ago, you better take up fantasy football full-time and get used to living without furniture—like Matthew…

(Writer’s Note: Despite the fact that basketball-wise I’m going to be Ed Pickney to her Patrick Ewing, I appreciate Lisa for contributing to this week’s column and saving my ass. She should be amply rewarded and if you win your league with this advice let me know. Next week I will get my database fixed and examine historical mid-season stats and second half splits).