8/21/00
You're on your favorite golf course and playing well. The putts are
falling, the greens are in reach and you are hitting the ball fairly
straight. You're just beginning to think in low numbers, and there
they are two people you know too well, "Am I. Slow" and "Doesnt Haveaclue."
You know that has to be their names because Slow is busy giving instructions
to Doesnt on the tee box and neither one has a clue. Although they
see you, they don't acknowledge your approach and you get the pleasure
of watching these two ply their talents on the course. It will probably
be the only entertainment you get the rest of the day.
After explaining to Doesnt his strategy, Mr. Slow takes five perfect
practice swings, backs off the ball, sites his target, approaches
the ball and then drills a seventy yard drive down the fairway. He
then says, "My left is too dominant," and instructs his protégé' on
how to strike the ball crisper. Doesnt hits, with similar results,
and they hop in their cart to bump merrily down the course at 50 to
100 yards at a whack, until they hit the green. Here Slow will demonstrate
the fine art of putting by plumb bobbing the green, taking four or
five practice swings, taking a final read by cupping his Titleist
cap with his hands, two more practice swings and then miss the hole
by five feet. You know they won't let you play through the rest of
the day. You also know every hole is going to be about the same as
the last hole. You may as well be entertained by this circus because,
if you are not, the rest of the day is going to be nothing but an
exercise in frustration and really no fun at all.
So, aside from saving Lawrence Taylor from cocaine and allowing John
Elway to hawk beer, what does any of this have to do with fantasy
football? The answer is nothing and everything. Poor course management,
a lack of courtesy and ignorance can make a fantasy draft frustrating
in any league. Slow play can take an eight team league draft and turn
it into a five hour endurance contest of Olympic proportions and it
is all avoidable if the league will just follow the rules of Ready
Play and Individual performance. If the participants in the league
follow the rules, then the course will run smoothly and no one will
have to explain to their spouse why it took so long to "play a round."
Be Prepared To Play
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This might sound obvious, but rarely is
everyone prepared for draft day. Do your scouting, read some
literature, spend some time on-line and prepare some sort of
depth charts. There is no excuse for not knowing who retired,
who died, who is injured and who has a season long reservation
in a barred room. The information is more available than ever
and most of the sources are free. |
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If you are working with a partner, take
some time to confer on strategy before the draft. Decide ahead
of time what player you plan to take and get the details worked
out. Arguments only take time and there is no reason to air
dirty laundry in public. |
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Bring your draft sheets, work sheets,
high lighters and pens. Listen and cross players off as they
are drafted and give some fore thought as to who is available
and who you would like to select. Be ready when it is your turn.
Fantasy football is not quantum mechanics and doesn't require
that much gray matter. Make a pick and live with it. Like most
of the people who occupy seats in the United States Congress
have learned, things go better when you PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS.
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It might sound trite, but showing up on
time is a courtesy to everyone and saves for a lot of frustration
in the ranks. If you have to be late, give a list to another
player and trust them to do their best for you. When you finally
arrive don't bitch about the picks. After all, they were there
on time, you weren't. |
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It is okay to imbibe during the draft,
but getting tanked only clouds judgement and can delay the draft.
Getting smashed may be some fun for the participant, but it
is a bummer for everyone else. There is a reason they push "free
drinks" in the casinos and it is not because drinking makes
you smarter. |
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Leave the kids at home. You can't expect
them to be enamored by a process they will probably find tedious
and boring and they will want to be entertained somehow. Who
can blame them? Don't expect everyone else to be as understanding
and caring about your brood as you are. |
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Don't ever look at someone else's draft
lists unless you have their permission. This can lead to a good
argument and maybe fisticuffs. |
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Go to the bathroom after you have made
your selection, not just before it. If you have to leave, find
out who was taken in your absence and the status of the draft
upon your return. |
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As harsh as it may sound, don't continually
help someone who selects Dan Marino by saying "He's retired"
because his next pick could be as strong as the selection of
Bam Morris. If they want to take Steve Young, let them. He has
been doing a great job on Salt Lake television. |
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Snacks are okay, but don't order a full
dinner unless you can track the draft while dining. |
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Unless it is an emergency, leave the cell
phone at home. The other players probably really don't care
about your personal or business life. |
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Don't give out too much grief unless you
can handle it in return. Too much crap can lead to harsh words,
feelings and fights. |
Don't Whine
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It is the JOB OF THE COMMISSIONER to make
sure the selection process runs smoothly. Like it or not the
final decisions of the league are made by one person and they
set the league's tone for the entire season. |
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Be select about the place where the draft
is to be held. Be willing to compromise to a point, but you
will never please everyone. If the draft is to be outside of
the home make arrangements with the place so that your group
can be away from the jukebox and the crowd. Screaming selections
for an entire evening gets real old and gets on people's nerves.
If the draft is going to be at a home, make sure there is enough
room for players to have some privacy and spread materials out
for use. A large Draft Board can help players track the draft
and is a great atmospheric visual. |
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Provide everyone with a handout of the
payoffs, rules and responsibilities. The sheet should have primary
and alternate phone numbers of league members, along with email
addresses and deadlines for final line-ups. Even if you have
been with the same group for years, verbally review the rules
before the draft starts and try to look interested in anyone's
suggestions and comments. |
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Set a time limit for selections and adhere
to it. You can fudge a little, but if the time limit is three
minutes, don't give someone six minutes. Everyone else is waiting.
The truant player should lose that draft selection and they
will have to pay a price in the free agency market for not being
prepared. It is only fair to the players who are prepared. |
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You might want to agree on a set break
during the draft to prevent delays. A ten minute break in the
middle of the draft will allow people to take care of their
business and not be absent from the room during the action. |
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Be fair, be in control and, at least try,
to be nice to everyone. |
The draft is one of the most fun events during any fantasy season.
It is a time where you watch the action unfold and ply your strategies.
At the beginning of the season all hope springs eternal and what could
be better then sharing it with like minded individuals who are as
sick as you are. It is a select group and is to be appreciated, but
not for hours and hours. The draft, like a ruined golf game, can get
frustrating if it gets backed up. If there is one functional philosophy
for any league it should be KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid and the selection
process will be one of the highlights for any league. Don't let "Am
I. Slow" and "Doesnt Haveaclue" be the night's entertainment.
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