11/9/01
No one saw it coming. No one could have predicted the senseless carnage
about to happen. There were signs even the best experts ignored. Not
even The Commissioner could have foreseen the brutal slaughter of
running backs in the NFL in the 2001 season.
It had its innocuous beginnings in preseason. It has spread like the
black plague during the first half of the regular season. Few fantasy
owners were prepared for the devastating losses they would endure
through eight weeks of intense competition. Teams have been plagued
by losses; the effect on fantasy owners has been demoralizing.
Judging by my email, and the leagues I am involved with, the reaction
manifests itself as panic, then resignation followed by deep depression.
The first half of this season may even leave permanent scars on the
libidos of affected owners. Some have spent virtually every waking
moment on the Internet checking injury reports, the waiver wire and
the free agent market. They have read every article, scanned newspapers
throughout the country and tuned into every football show on the airwaves.
For many this has been to no avail.
Veterans used to call these owners "Fantasy Geeks". I am
afraid many owners have taken this route becoming the type of person
they so much like to ridicule. These are the people who catch every
football show on the tube. They incessantly listen to every radio
talk show regarding fantasy. They have no life outside the realm of
the fantasy season. Following the Super Bowl they hibernate to follow
trades, free agent rumors, with the highlight being the college draft.
They spend endless hours alone plotting next year's draft. They have
little life outside of the fantasy world they build.
On the other extreme, owners have given up. They are easily distinguishable,
as their line-ups never change even during off weeks. They have lost
all will to compete. Depressed, they wear the label of "loser"
because they know they are. They attribute the success of other owners
to luck as they spend Sundays sulking in front of the tube. These
owners, perhaps reluctantly, have become quitters. They have forgot
the age-old adage, "Quitters never win, and winners never quit."
They have given up on their team on themselves and on the fantasy
world. Quitting is not a healthy place for any human being to exist
for any great period of time. In fact, neither reaction to the waste
being laid upon running backs in the NFL is healthy. There are some
things you can do as an owner to combat the feelings of becoming so
anal you are taking fantasy magazines to the privy for relief or becoming
so depressed you wonder why ever decided to play this ridiculous game.
First, accept the fact the position of running back has been clear-cut
like a Boise Cascade forest. The big trees have fallen; the saplings
have yet to take root. Quit whining, stomping your feet and feeling
sorry for yourself. It is the way the season is going to be so get
over it. The worst is probably yet to come. Remember, most running
backs get hurt in the second half of the season when they are tired.
Internalize it then allow the season to unfold, as it will. There
is nothing you can do about it except cope as best you can. As my
guitar player Wally is fond of saying, "It's a long road ahead
and it aint always going to be a super highway. Most of it is dirt
road and you are going to have to just keep driving." At the
risk of sounding like PhD. Laura, let me offer you gentle readers
some strategies for eating all of this dust while you enjoy the scenery.
- ANESTHESIA: I don't recommend
a constant application but, after losing both of your stars in
the first half of a double header, you may want to drink it over.
The rest of the games become a constant blur with no real distinction.
In fact, Sunday can be a total blur of running, catching, tackling
and touchdowns and you will have no idea who won or how your team
did. It is a comfort zone requiring little work and even less
thinking.
WARNING: Applying this strategy to
every Sunday could lead to some problems. If you are even close
to considering Jack Daniels or Bud Weiser for man of the year,
it is time to abandon this coping mechanism.
- QUIT WATCHING: I know football
on Sunday is fun. It is no fun when you are watching your team
being dismantled by injury. There are plenty of sources to find
out the result of the games. By reading you only have to imagine
the injury to your player, not see the replay five times experiencing
repetitive pain with each viewing. There is no such thing as instant
replay in a newspaper or on any of the fantasy web sites. There
is a one-time kick in the gut. The pain is intense, but it is
shorter than living with it for an entire Sunday.
- ENGAGE A PSYCHIC: I know Miss.
Cleo is having legal problems at the moment, but she is out there
for you. If not Miss Cleo, there are many other sooth Sayers out
there who would be happy to take your money. The can remove the
burden of being responsible for your own stupid decisions. Face
it, you are already going into debt with trades and free agent
pick-ups, why not permit someone else to make your poor decisions
and let it go? It is hard to put a price on your mental health.
- GET A VOODOO DOLL: It may
sound corny, but the feeling of casting a spell on your rival
or their team could provide some needed relief. It could also
provide a sense of satisfaction. Just sticking the pins into an
inanimate object could provide you with pleasure before the pain
of the next fantasy weekend. It may not work, but so far nothing
else, outside of blind luck, has worked this season. Consider
this a form of therapeutic acupuncture. There is nothing like
needling somebody to make your point.
- TRADE: Even if you make ridiculous
offers, you are at least communicating. Communicating with others
has always been a means of staying mentally healthy. By attempting
to trade you are a part of the action, you are still a part of
the game. There are extremes. I know fantasy players who have
no one left on their team from the original draft due to trades.
They may not be doing any better in the standings, but they have
given everything to be terrible. Don't be satisfied with "single
player" deals, go for the blockbusters! Trade half of your
team for one player, then trade them to someone else to get a
whole new team. You may have a hard time remembering week to week
who you have, but at least you will have a fresh bunch of players
to complain about.
- STARTER DARTS: Though I have not
reached this level of desperation yet, I have developed a new
approach to make the fantasy season fun and exciting. Since there
is no such thing as broad based consistency in the league, accept
it. Play by chance completely. Create individual cards for the
players and the positions. Have someone in the house select one
position group on the board, then fire away. Whatever you hit
is what you start. If I had used this technique last week I may
have stuck Steve McNair instead of logically selecting Aaron Brooks.
I may slide to this level and try the method if Stephen Davis
gets hurt during his off week.
- GET A LIFE: Send in your line
up for the week, then forget about it. Spend time with your family.
Get off the coach, get out of the house and reacquaint yourself
with the real world. You might discover things about yourself
and your family you have neglected during the season. On the other
hand, life is too short to let an entire fantasy season go by.
Besides you may discover they really don't need you. This may
cut even deeper than the pain of watching your backfield get decimated.
Reality is really not as much fun as fantasy. You may be better
off finding another strategy.
Face another fact. If you are a fantasy owner you are, by nature,
a masochist. You may say you hate the stress, the anxiety, but deep
down inside you enjoy every miserable moment a fantasy weekend has
to offer. There is a certain amount of pleasure in your misery. Accept
it and move on. Maintain your sense of humor. You will need it later.
This has been the most unusual season I have ever played in this crazy
game. In the first three weeks of the season I lost six starting running
backs. I know I am not alone. Running backs from Anderson to Wheatley
have dropped out for a period of time or the entire season. Even Edgerrin
James missed his first game in three years. When the season started
it looked so bright. There were at least ten reasonably solid looking
running backs. The numbers have not changed during the season. The
question is who will the ten be? It is a season of high anxiety coupled
with tremendous league balance. We are only puppets in this drama.
The NFL pulls the strings.
Last week I made a blockbuster deal. I traded Brett Favre for two
other quarterbacks, one wide receiver and Lamar Smith. Smith is the
one I really wanted, as my other backs are Dayne, Levens, Huntley,
Davis, Barlow and Watters. (Hardly "Murderers Row".) Still,
considering I lost two top-flight backs in one week for the season,
I felt this was respectable. I had high hopes for Sunday. I knew Miami
would run the ball, as the weather was terrible. They would be running
the ball against a weakened Carolina defense. Smith got 37 rushing
yards for the game. I am not sure how you would feel, but my back
is killing me!
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