8/7/00
Email Tim
|
|
As loyal readers (reader?) of this column already know,
I do not claim to be the best drafter in the game today. In fact,
I'm not even the freakish inbred cousin of the best drafter in the
game today. But that's good news for you as draft day approaches,
because even I have figured out some things that don't work.
The following stories are true. Only the names have been changed
to protect the innocent. I have witnessed all of the following moves
in real fantasy football drafts. If you are planning to adopt any
of these strategies, take my advice... don't.
Home Sweet Homer
We all love to root for the home team, but when it comes to
drafting them, to quote Ford Fairlane, "Use your head, snapper head!"
Don't be the dork everyone remembers who chose rookie Lawrence Phillips
with your first round pick. Yes, this really happened in our St.
Louis-based league. The owner who made this marvelous pick (we'll
call him "Jim") was taunted by a fellow owner during a chance meeting
in the john. Using his best Ross Perot voice, he reassured Jim he
was just as smart as Perot's running mate, Admiral James (Who am
I? Why am I here?!) Stockdale. "Admiral, the way you took Lawrence
Phillips in the first round...that was just sweet. A lot of people
might have been tempted to take Barry Sanders or Steve Young. But
not you, oh no." Anyway, it's funny when you're drunk.
And the homer tendency is a continuing, year-in, year-out risk.
Rams' stiffs who have been selected too high (or at all) in our
drafts include Jerald Moore (remember him?), Troy Drayton (always
too high), Steve "Help, my arm is falling off!" Walsh, the ghost
of Eddie Kennison, and the immortal Hayward Clay (free first round
pick if you can name what position he plays).
"Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down This Wall!"
In 1987, Ronald Reagan proclaimed these immortal words. In 1987,
Thurman Thomas completed his college career and quickly became an
awesome NFL running back. In 2000, Ronald Reagan can't remember
his own name. And in 2000, Thurman Thomas sucks. Can anybody guess
what I'm getting at here? Jerry Rice will not catch 12 touchdown
passes this year. He might not catch a cold. And Thurman Thomas
won't rush for 700 yards, let alone 1,000.
Take a lesson from one sage owner in our league (we'll call him
"Jim") who recently tried to reunite the NFL all-80s team: Dan Marino,
Emmitt Smith, Jerry Rice, and Michael Irvin. Now, Emmitt had a nice
year, but he was the only one. If you go old, you get diminished
performance, increased injury risk and sympathy pains. Just remember
what the stockbrokers tell you: past performance is not indicative
of future results.
Locked In. I Mean, Really Locked In.
It's nice to go into draft day with a strategy, but don't hit the
off switch on your brain during the draft, either. Last year, one
owner (we'll call him "Jim") really, really wanted to draft two
running backs in the first two rounds. Well, he sure did. First
pick: Fred Taylor. Now this was a solid pick; after all, who could
have predicted his untimely death? However, by the time he picked
again, all of the top running backs were long gone. But that's o.k.,
he had a strategy. With his second pick Jim chose "Yo" Adrian Murrell.
Now, technically, this was a running back selection. But here are
just a few of the players he passed on to grab Murrell: Marvin Harrison,
Isaac Bruce, Jimmy Smith, Keyshawn Johnson, and Wesley Walls. I'm
thinking he may have made a mistake here. The reward for sticking
to his plan? Jim is now famous for "stepping on his [groin]" on
draft day.
Beginner's Luck... (or is it, beginners suck?)
This game is tough on beginners. Imagine the following scenario:
The year? 1999. It is your first fantasy season. You have the first
pick of the entire draft. You take Brett Favre -- arguably a good
choice. Twenty-seven picks later, you decide to take a running back.
Instead, you take Bam Morris. After all, "Jim" already took Adrian
Murrell.
Now that I have had fun at another's expense, let me explain my
own ingenious first ever fantasy draft. I lucked into the third-overall
selection and chose Drew Bledsoe (he blew, but that wasn't my fault).
Believe it or not, it went downhill from there. In the second round,
I shrewdly decided to monopolize all the "good" quarterbacks and
took Rick Mirer. Yes, that Rick Mirer. Would you believe I thought
he'd be great trade bait?! When I finally got around to drafting
my first running back (in the fourth round), I confidently announced
I would select Ki-Jana Carter. The commissioner, in a rare act of
mercy, asked, "You do know he's out for the year, right?" This allowed
me to cleverly say, "Why yes, I was merely testing you." It may
not surprise you that I did not make the playoffs that year.
All of which leads me to say: don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Sooner or later, you will. As long as you avoid some of the obvious
pitfalls listed above, your drafting ability, and your ability to
produce a winning team, will improve. Unless....
.....it is the the sixth year of your league, you have never made
the playoffs, and we call you "Jim".
:: comments to tim
wichmer
|
|
