Fantasy Football Today - fantasy football rankings, cheatsheets, and information
A Fantasy Football Community!

Create An Account  |  Advertise  |  Contact      

Staff Writer
Email Mike

Mike's Articles

FF In The Groin
Week 15

[expletive] [expletive] Todd Heap [expletive] Jonathan [expletive] Wells [expletive] [expletive] Chris Cooley [expletive] [expletive] Tiki! Yes, it was that kind of week...

Groin Shot of the Week Candidates

Chris Cooley (6-71, 3 TD) – 3 TDs?!? Three! Does he realize what week it is? It is the fantasy playoffs, man! Don’t go pulling this now! The guy has only scored 3 TD total through the first 13 games. And wasn’t this supposed to be a grind it out, classic super-defensive NFC East battle? What the heck is Dallas doing? They totally laid an egg in this one. And 3 TDs for Cooley. Nice. I could have used even 1 of those for Clinton “Too-Legit” Portis.

Todd Heap (9-110, 2 TD) – Now and forever to be known to me as, Todd Friggin’ Heap. After surviving the onslaught of Larry Johnson and Shaun Alexander by Mike Krueger in our Friends of FF Today staff league, (and no thanks to Carnell “Flat Tire” Williams), I go into Monday night with a fairly comfortable lead, him with Heap and me with Chester Taylor. You know, Chester Taylor, who is supposed to be getting the majority of carries. You know, Todd Friggin’ Heap, who has a knucklehead for a QB. Oh wait, it’s the Packers, and they’ve decided to Pack their bags on this season early. Time for a career day highlighted with Boller to Heap, and a lot of Jamal Lewis on the side. Un-freakin’ believable. Oh wait, I had Cooley so maybe it isn’t that unbelievable.

Tiki Barber (249 Yd, 2 TD) - Seriously, this is getting ridiculous with the career days during fantasy playoffs. There should be a rule against this. If a player has his best game of the season in a fantasy playoff game, then give him 1 more point than he had his second best game of the year. Oh, I know it will never fly, but you have to understand how difficult it is for me to write this article this week without sounding like Andrew Dice Clay. Whatever happened to that guy? Anyway, someone please write a book, “The Art of Tackling” and send it to every player on the Kansas City Chiefs defense. Illustrations will be necessary. Perhaps a pop-up book?

Jonathan Wells (98 Yd, 2 TD) - Is Domanick Davis really all that or have we finally found something the Texans do well, run the ball? Don’t forget Vernand Morency also chipped in with 32 yards on 5 carries and a TD. Perhaps opposing teams are so giddy with excitement to wallop David “Crash Test Dummies Never Had It This Bad” Carr, they skip right by the Texan RBs. Ho-hum, its another case of anything can happen in the fantasy playoffs. Anyone out there with a LaDainian Tomlinson-Edgerrin James RB duo lose to a Jonathan Wells-Ryan Moats pairing, or something similar? No, it isn’t fair. Yes, that’s part of the game.

Drew Bennett (8-93, 2 TD) - This guy again (from last year)? What, does it take Bennett like 14-15 weeks of the regular season to finally warm up?

Comments From The Couch

  • While some media outlets are touting the byline, "Chargers show the league how to beat the Colts", I don't think too many teams just happen to have a Shawne Merriman kicking around on their roster. Talk about a man possessed. Wow. Even with all the crazy offensive players, Merriman was the most impressive player to me this week, by far.

  • [expletive] [expletive] Rudi Johnson [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] Antonio Gates [expletive] Matt [expletive] Hasselbeck [expletive] [expletive] Willis "This Week You Decide To Score?!?" McGahee [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] Jags Defense - it's the 49ers for [expletive] sakes! [expletive] Rod Smith [expletive] [expletive] Darrell [expletive] Jackson! [expletive] [expletive]

  • And a little for you IDP guys... [expletive] Jason Taylor [expletive] [expletive] Odell Thurman - Where The [expletive] Are You? [expletive] Bob Sanders [expletive]

  • Yeah, that pretty much sums up my weekend.

And The Winner Is…

Shawne Merriman. Ah, just kidding... It’s weeks like these though, that really you just need to pick your own personal nemesis. Mine is Krueger. Whoops, I mean Todd Friggin’ Heap. My Groin Mail inbox has mostly evaporated so I know the fantasy playoff attrition is hitting hard. One more week, for most. Everyone pray LT is a go, and back to his pre-fantasy-playoff form. Come on LT! If I go home this season without a single championship after being #1 or #2 seed in 7 of 10 leagues (only 3 chances left), then I’m sure to break the FF Today swear meter. Which is no small task given the history of this site.