Easy groin candidates this week: A mediocre RB outshines Priest
Holmes, a TE scoring like crazy and a friggin' kicker.
Groin Shot of the Week Candidates
Michael Pittman (128 RuYd, 3 TD)
- Six years of mediocrity. When I look at Michael Pittman's career
stats, that is what I see. Six years of mediocrity. He was the
main starter for his team each of the past 4 years (twice Arizona,
and twice Tampa). On the ground he exceeded 800 yards once. His
yards per carry were 3.9, 3.5, 3.5 and 4.0. TD guy? Ha. His career
high is 6 including receiving TDs way back in 2000. Longest run
of his career: 58 yards back in 1999. Longest run the prior two
seasons: 21 yards. So what happened? The guy gets suspended for
4 games to start this season, Mike Alstott gets injured and the
Kansas City Chiefs escort to the end zone defense shows up, and
all of a sudden Mr. Mediocrity outshines Priest Holmes.
Antonio Gates (56 Yd, 3 TD)
- I'm just going to start throwing out some facts and stats here
so you can stop reading when you've had enough. Antonio Gates
leads the NFL in receptions, is tied for 12th in yards and is
tied for 2nd in TDs. Note that is amongst ALL receivers, not just
TEs. The Chargers have increased their offensive points per game
from 19.6 in 2003 to 29.1 in 2004. Drew Brees has already surpassed
his career high in passing TD of 17 when he started all 16 games
for the Chargers back in 2002. Gates is 6'4", 260 lbs. and
only 24 years old. This game marked only the 24th non-preseason
football game Gates has played in since high school, 5 years ago.
He did help the Kent State Golden Flashes get 1 win away from
the final 4 basketball tournament. The Chargers took a chance
signing him as an undrafted free agent, even though they couldn't
acquire his game film from Detroit Central High.
Adam Vinatieri (4 FG, 4 XP and a #$@%
PaTD!) - How much of a groin shot this is going to be will
depend entirely on how your league rules the TD pass. Ah, am I
glad I'm not a commissioner anymore. But I still hate kickers!
Top Commercials Broadcast During Football
Here are the top, or perhaps most memorable, TV commercials currently
airing during football, as nominated by FF In The Groin readers:
7. Southwest Airlines' It Must Be Football Season - This year
it was woman pops another woman with a twisted up towel, a la
men's locker room humor. Unfortunately I couldn't track down the
grocery store pineapple pass and catch spot.
6. Miller Beer's Referee Series - These are good but losing steam.
"Intentional tastemask" is kind of funny. Unibrow infraction
was funny. "Still single; play beer." Truthfully, it
was going to be very tough to beat the first one: "Disproportionately
hot girlfriend. I will need further review."
5. Budweiser - Shows referee getting screamed at by a coach;
commentator: "where does he get training for that?";
changes scene to referee sitting at home on couch with wife similarly
screaming at him. I hope none of us can relate!
4. NFL Network's Pseudo-Reality 11 Players In A House - "What,
you mean the McNabb suite?" "You just lost your TV privileges."
3. Bud Light's Hired a Body Double - "This yard work is
making me so sweaty."
2. Nextel's Office Geeks Dance Party - Friend turns to me on
Sunday and says with a completely straight face, "this is
exactly what my office is like."
1. Nike's Michael Vick Experience - The concept for this one
is genius. As one reader said, If that were an actual ride, the
line would be miles long."
When I started this I was thinking ads that are current, but
any discussion of football commercials certainly brings to mind
these all time classics:
Leon - At least there is no one in the NFL really like this...
Terry Tate, Office Linebacker. It's too bad more players in
the NFL weren't as enthusiastic all the time as Terry is from
9:00 to 5:00...
Light's Real Men of Genius Series. It originated on the radio.
And of course, Coors
Light's, The Twins. USA Today headline: Coors'
twins ads a hit with target market. Duh, you think?
Comments From The Couch
- Here is my take on fantasy football this season: If your
players aren't scoring multiple TD games, then you're not
going to win. Every week runners and receivers are popping
in 2 or 3 TD (and not just Priest Holmes or Marshall Faulk).
Quarterbacks are tossing 3, 4 or 5 TD with regularity. I blame
weak pass rush, shoddy tackling, poor coverage and idiot coaching.
Time to allocate a few more resources (i.e. top college athletes)
to the defense. Oh, and I also blame Mike Shanahan. Jake Plummer
with 4 TDs? Again?
|Multiple TD Games
|| 2004 (9 Wks)
|QB 5+ TD games
|QB 4+ TD games
|QB 3+ TD games
|RB 4+ TD games
|RB 3+ TD games
|RB 2+ TD games
|WR 4+ TD games
|WR 3+ TD games
|WR 2+ TD games
|TE 4+ TD games
|TE 3+ TD games
|TE 2+ TD games
- It's a good thing the NFL implemented new, more full disclosure
injury reporting requirements this year. It is working wonders.
Darrell Jackson anyone?
- Line from color guy Bill Maas yesterday that half of you
will think is funny and half will think is dumb. I thought
it was funny. Commenting on Ben Roethlisberger: "He's
making more headlines than a corduroy pillow." Oh, okay
it is kind of dumb.
- For a while there I was wondering what the odds are the
Bills and Dolphins both win on the same day. And then it didn't
- So, let me get this straight...The Rams are a prolific
passing team. They are playing at home, off a big upset loss
in Miami and then bye week, going against the team that beat
them in a heartbreaker of a Super Bowl (could they have more
motivation?). The Patriots are down their top 2 CBs, and then
the 3rd CB goes out after the second play of the game, so
the Pats end up using an aging WR to fill the gap. Add it
all up and the Rams get schooled. I like the Rams for fantasy
purposes, but as a team they have no heart.
- Aaron Brook is a great athlete. Unfortunately the QB position
tends to require both brawn and brains. The Saints on Sunday
were once again inexplicable. And that backwards pass by Brooks?
Don't even get me started...
- People are calling for Joe Gibbs to pull the plug on the
Mark Brunell experiment. I don't think he's going to do it
(quite yet), but a few more pass plays for Clinton Portis
should be in order.
- The Dallas Cowboys are like an all near-retirement dynasty
league team that no prospective owner wants to touch. They
are in need of one serious reclamation project.
- Tim Rattay has not been getting the props he has earned
this season, having performed quite well in each of his starts.
The problem is recurring injury causing him to disappear for
stretches. Even Kevan Barlow chipped in this week. The problem
is Barlow just plain disappears.
- I have never seen a team starting field position after
a punt - with no return - begin inside the opponent's 10 yard
line. That is, until the Browns net 7 yard punt from their
end zone Sunday night. Brutal. Now I have seen it all.
- Check that. I don't think I've ever seen a team fumble
the ball on the first play of the game and lose 28 yards on
the recovery. And Daunte Culpepper looked so hyped up before
the opening kickoff. That has got to burst your bubble.
- Watching the Monday night game and Nate Burleson's punt
return TD. Do we honestly need to hear the, "that goal
line goes around the world" line every damn weak? Please
give it a rest Al and John.
- B-I-L-L-S BILLS! BILLS! BILLS! Woo! But I must admit, I
was sweating a bit when the Jets brought on Quincy Carter
to take over from the Jets 1 yard line - NOT!
And The Winner Is
Two of the 3 candidates I traded in the past few weeks. Here's
a hint: I rarely bother trading kickers. Can't say I'm too happy
about those deals but I'm certainly contributing to improving
the parity in my league. On the bright side, the new Antonio
Gates owner beat the second place team to help me leap over
him. I'll take the small consolation, and hand Gates the award
this week. Sure looks like it won't be his last award either.