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FF In The Groin
Week 15

FFITG is back! Thanks for the condolences from last week. Might need to keep them coming this week!

Groin Shot of the Week Candidates

Billy Volek (492 PaYd, 4 TD) and Drew Bennett (13-160, 2 TD) - Oh, you have got to be kidding. These guys? Again?!? Yep, the same pair that knocked me out of not one, but two wild-card playoff games a week ago. The same pair that wiped out any hope of me recovering from my week 14 Sunday illness (thanks to all who sent their condolences) and completely shut down FF In The Groin last week. The same pair whose names were officially banned from the FF Today Forums for an entire day last Tuesday. Ha, ha. That was a pretty good one. I feel some more bans are in order!

Kerry Collins (371 PaYd, 5 TD) and Jerry Porter (8-148, 3 TD) - Did the defense even show up, for either team? Apparently not. I think Kerry Collins might be the best QB in the league...against bad defenses in meaningless games. And Jerry Porter wants to showcase himself for a one-way ticket out of Oakland. He is doing a good job of that, but I won't be fooled when it comes to ranking you next year Jerry. Just where were you through the first 10 games scoring 1 TD before you responded with 7 TD in the last 4 games? Let's say, hypothetically, that some team does give you a big contract? Once the money is in the bank how can I possibly trust you have motivation to perform? Riddle me that one Mr. Porter.

Larry Johnson (30-151, 2 TD) - Former 2,000 yard Penn State rusher who sat in Dick Vermeil's dog house ever since he was drafted. Honestly, I don't think Vermeil had anything (or at least very much) against L.J. personally, but just completely disagreed with the draft choice when the team badly needed defensive help. If that is the case, then the coach didn't handle it the right way, even though he did later apologize. The diaper is certainly off now with a huge performance in his first ever start. After witnessing that performance I've got much higher expectations for daughter Megan the first time we get her out of her diapers.

Nate Burleson (5-134, 2 TD) - Daunte Culpepper had his best game in over a month, a week after I got bounced from the playoffs in the Red Eye league where I owned him (Volek!). Marcus Robinson has been pretty much useless ever since I traded for him back at mid-season. Hmm... who can I focus my frustration on for these things? A-ha! Burleson! What exactly is the big idea having the best game of your career in week 15? It's the fantasy playoffs man! Damn, these NFL players just don't get it, do they?

Comments From The Couch

  • With the performances that players like Volek, Collins, Bennett, and Porter have been having in recent weeks, consider it a strong reminder to not just look at year-end totals heading into next year's draft prep.

  • Of course, something else we can learn from these players is that doing much draft prep can seem like an utterly useless exercise. Can you say, "waiver wire"?

  • Bonnie Berstein interviewing Jerome Bettis: "We can't just show up and expect to win." Too true Jerome, too true. Giants opening kickoff is a TD return by Willie Ponder. I love when that happens.

  • Jim Nantz: "The Giants have not recorded an interception in 6 games." Next play: Interception, Frank Walker. Was this game scripted?

  • Have you ever seen a team celebrate as much as the Giants did early in the ball game after each of the above noted plays? That much enthusiasm really puts some understanding into how down the players have been since their season collapsed after a 5-2 start.

  • As much as I'd like to know what the heck is going on with Andre Johnson, it didn't take much convincing myself to skip right by a ball game between two non-playoff teams and a 7-5 score early in the 4th quarter.

  • I think half my players fumbled this weekend. Small hands? Cold weather? I don't get it but ironically, the players that did fumble all seemed to be in the leagues that deduct points for losing the ball. I smell conspiracy.

  • While I'm sure very little surprises them anymore, Lions fans still had to be shaking their heads at the bobbled snap on the single point attempt resulting in a 28-27 loss to the Vikings instead of sending the game into overtime. Vikings fans are sure to be shaking their heads all off-season if that play ends up saving Mike Tice's job.

  • Talk about some wacky plays this week. Exhibit A: An apparent incomplete pass by Byron Leftwich picked up by his lineman, Darren Sharper is the only one who realizes it was a fumble so he runs in, knocks the ball away and returns it for a TD.

  • Exhibit B: Opening kickoff of the Saints-Bucs game, return man Aaron Stecker slips (does that not sum up the entire Saints organization?), the ball squirts through his legs, but he miraculously runs back, picks it up and returns it for a TD.

  • How is St. Louis still not eliminated from playoff contention? Please just put them out of their misery. Absolutely horrible. And who got burned on Shaun Alexander's 3 rushing attempts inside the 3 yard line which finished off with a fumble into the end zone? Can Arizona still win the division? Because if they can I'm pulling for them.

  • Who are these people attending the Browns game in a snow storm, and why are they punishing themselves like that?

  • I understand the Broncos picked up the 2005 option on Jake Plummer. Good luck with that Denver.

  • After witnessing the Chiefs defense against the Titans last Monday night, and the Broncos only mustering a measly 17 points really puts some tarnish on that whole "Shanahan offensive genius" label.

  • It's nice to see I didn't give up one guys like Larry Fitzgerald, Brandon Lloyd and Santana Moss, as they are all still on numerous rosters, but do you think I can trust them to actually start them at this point? Not bloody likely!

  • "Psst! Mike! Terrell Owens went down and probably won't play next week." "Ah, crap. You - Fitz, Lloyd and little Moss, time for a little rock-paper-scissors because one of you guys is starting next week for the title."

  • The Ravens decision to take the FG off the board and accept the Colts penalty for a 4th-and-4 turned TD to Todd Heap might have just killed me in one league. And another top scoring team in the regular season (by a healthy 10 points per game average I might add) bites the dust.

  • So how many IDP players out there needed that Cato June interception return for a TD? Went out of bounds. Please...

  • Best "Mic'd Up" ever during the Sunday night game. Ed Reed totally annihilates a Colts player after which he says something like, "how'd you like that boy!" I think I'm going to use that the next time I lay someone out in a soccer game.

  • I realize you're not supposed to lay someone out in soccer, but what can I say. I play with all the finesse of a bull in a china shop and an occasional yellow card is hardly a deterrent for the opportunity to get rid of some of life's frustrations from time to time. FF In The Groin doesn't always do the trick for my fantasy football frustrations, and soccer is conveniently played on Tuesdays.

  • So I watched Ricky Williams on 60 Minutes. It seemed like a lot more hype over him breaking the silence then substance or wow factor in that interview. So he's on drugs and doesn't want to play football anymore. I don't know why but I thought I was going to learn something I didn't already know.

  • (no, I've never changed my default IE start up page) had a feature on Saturday which apparently came from The Sporting News naming Brian Urlacher the most overrated player in the NFL. I guess the writer forgot the factoid the Bears are 0-4 without Urlacher in the lineup this season. Whoops, make that 0-5.

  • Congrats to the Chargers. Do not write these guys off when you fill in your playoff pool sheet.

  • Bills win! Bills win! Bills win! That was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be, especially considering Willis McGahee's poor stats which is bringing me down to the wire in one playoff game to be decided tonight. Bring on the 49ers! (I love this schedule.)

Long Distance Dedication

What a first post by movieguru22 on our Forums:

My team leads by .50 point with 5 minutes to go in the Ravens-Colts game, my opponent has Mike Vanderjagt, and the following 4 events happen (keep in mind an extra point or field goal of any length leads to my defeat):

1. Vanderjagt misses a 33 yard attempt.

2. On 4th and 3, Boller has a ball deflected and then caught by Lewis who runs over 3 guys to get a first down, which keeps the ball away from Indy.

3. On 4th and 2, Boller throws an interception which Cato June runs back 80 yards for an apparent TD, and of course an extra point by Vanderjagt. But hold on, for some reason, with no one around him, he steps out of bounds at the 3!

4. With the ball on the 3 Tony Dungy decides to down the ball instead of going for the record tying TD by Manning which would have led to an extra point by Vanderjagt.

On to the Championship game!!!

This dedication goes out to the person out there playing against movieguru22 this week who took the loss. I can just imagine the agony being on the other end of these plays watching it unfold. That is the true essence of FF In The Groin.

And The Winner Is…

If this was a 2 or 3 week award it would no doubt go to the Volek-Bennett hookup, but since it is only a 1 week award we'll pass on them and hand it to Collins-Porter (although it wouldn't surprise me if the extra yards and receptions more than made up for the higher TD totals). Volek and Bennett caused enough frustration last week the sooner I forget them the better.